


More Than We Expected

by AtomicPenguin96, Ember_Hearts



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Alcohol, Bucky Barnes Needs a Hug, Drug Use, Insomnia, Labyrinth References, Like me lol, Loki is a weird mix of MCU and Mythology, Mental Health Issues, Multi, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Saakar, Sakaar (Marvel), So Does Loki, Stucky - Freeform, Swearing, WinterFrost - Freeform, canon is for suckers, frostmaster, slowburn, they depresso expressos
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-12-30
Updated: 2019-07-09
Packaged: 2019-09-30 10:48:36
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 4
Words: 14,651
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17222594
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AtomicPenguin96/pseuds/AtomicPenguin96, https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ember_Hearts/pseuds/Ember_Hearts
Summary: Just a slowburn fic revolving around Bucky Barnes and Loki Laufeyson. Stick around for two broken people struggling to figure out life together.





	1. Chapter 1

It was impossibly hard to fall asleep. Bucky was back in a lab again for “monitoring purposes” and it wasn't fun. It made him feel trapped, caged even. Stark insisted on monitoring his sleep patterns when he heard that Bucky was having recurring nightmares about the past, but really, he just wants to be left alone. Stark can't really ever understand what's really going on through his head, even with all his high-tech equipment. The nightmares echo the lives he stole and haunt him with a life he can barely begin to remember.  


That's when the shadows tucked in corners of the room moved. It's just a flicker, something that the untrained eye would never have noticed. Bucky, however, always had had to notice things like that. Though after a few seconds of waiting it was still just that little flicker, and then nothing but the silence of the empty room. Just enough to make Bucky feel paranoid and question himself. With all he's stories he’s heard about from Steve recently it could be anything, or nothing more than sleep deprivation.  
Then it happens again. Except, now that Bucky's paying attention, he can see that it's not a flicker. It's a man-shaped shadow, or at least, it looks like one. Shadows can’t move, can they?  


Bucky takes a deep breath and does the only thing he can really think of in the moment and calls out tentatively into the darkness, "Who's there?" Honestly though, it wasn’t a good idea to call attention to it. Who’s ever actually responded to that question when they’re trying to hide?  


As expected nothing happens and Bucky can’t help but feel like a sitting duck. God, could it be aliens? Or a mutant? All he can hope for is that by some small miracle that it really is just his imagination. He’d rather face the reality that the lack of sleep is killing him than face the idea that something unpredictable decided to pay him a visit. Another flicker happens and Bucky starts to worry and consider pressing his panic button. Perhaps it’s just a light dying or something, not something here to kill him as his brain keeps casually suggesting. Or someone here to make him pay for something he can’t even remember. Under his gaze, the flickering shadow formed the vague shape of a man. Well, it could be a woman, he won’t discriminate. He stares at the shadowy figure, trying to keep his heart and brain from flying off the handle. Bucky isn’t one to pray anymore, he lost the want to after his fourth bout of cryo, but now he’s praying to anything that will listen that this is just his mind fucking with him.  


The shadow seems to gather together more, going from wispy nothings to an almost opaque and solid shape. Languidly gathering substance as if putting on a show just for him. Well, it definitely wasn't his brain this time. Shit... the completed form of the ‘man’ was tall and slender but radiated an intimidating amount of power. Enough power to make Bucky really consider calling Stark for help, despite their mutual misgivings towards each other. It barely took two steps out of the shadows it was lurking in, seeming to be a master of control as there was no emotion present on his face. It almost reminded Bucky of his old handlers. It definitely looked like a he, so that’s what Bucky would call it. The “he” didn’t say anything, just paced at the opposite end of the room surveying the lab that Stark put Bucky in with the same leisurely pace he chose to form in.  


After a few moments of anxious silence, the stranger lazily turned towards Bucky and spoke in a smooth, practiced tone while picking at his left palm, seemingly without realizing it. A habit probably. His piercing gaze made Bucky straighten up out of instinct and lower his eyes in obedience trying not to act as panicked as he felt.  


“I heard about you from the Man of Iron’s fellow scientists. You are a fascinating concept to me. How could you be so compliant in this ‘rehabilitation’ they speak about. To me, it just seems like they’re more interested in wiping out the Winter Soldier completely than actually helping you.”  


“I don’t see how that’s really a problem,” Bucky said slowly, getting over his old habits enough to speak and compose himself a little better. His eyes flicker up to follow his intruder carefully as he sits up fully in his bed, watching for any signs of harmful intentions. Now that he was close, however, it was easy to make out the intruders features, most notably his piercing green eyes and how they seemed to look right through him. It was eerie how much they seemed to know. “And by the way, who are you?”  


“King Loki of Jotunheim.” He says dismissively and swiftly as if it hardly mattered at all who he was. Though his appearance didn’t ring any bells the name struck a chord in Bucky and he remembered hearing about the attack on New York a few years ago. Loki seemed to have noticed this realization too because a grimace broke through the facade for just a second before he spoke again. “I see you’ve heard of me. You don’t need to worry about me ever doing that again though, I wasn’t quite..” he paused, seeming to search for the right word and his practiced indifference broke for a split second, showing the look of a haunted man. “myself at the time. But unlike what Stark intends to do to you I don’t intend to forget my guilt or the destruction I caused. It’s in the past and I can’t change it, but I can learn from it and move on. So should you, instead of sitting in a lab and letting them drug you into forgetting. If I may be so bold, that doesn’t seem healthy. Those who forget tragedy are doomed to repeat it.”  


“What am I supposed to do instead? I can’t even sleep without hearing people scream and plead for their lives. Remembering is going to kill me.” Bucky fumed, weeks of pent-up frustration blooming on his face. He just couldn’t hold it in anymore.  


“I can help you sleep. When the nightmares come I can take them away. It would be as simple as reloading a gun.” Loki stated, his face back to being ever unchanging, the unreadable mask he holds not soothing Bucky’s mistrust, but rather fueling it. He doubted the God would make this offer out of the goodness of his heart. From what Bucky heard he just didn’t come across like the merciful type.  


“And how do you suppose you do that,” Bucky growled, “You may be magic but I doubt you have some kinda cure-all.” he didn’t trust this supposed God one bit, everything he’d said and done so far had been suspicious and vague. There was just something about the way Loki spoke and acted that just set off alarm bells. Something about Loki reminded him of a puppeteer, quickly moving his puppets strings. Which, for the record, made Bucky feel uneasy, especially with how unarmed he is now. Literally.  


Bucky shifted into a more defensive position as Loki spoke again, sounding almost amused as he could clearly sense how uncomfortable he was making Bucky. What a prick. “Can I not just do this one nice thing for no reason? Really you are quite a suspicious person aren’t you? I was only here to spy on the Man of Iron, I had no knowledge of you prior to this excursion. You were nothing more than a simple chance encounter, I promise.”  


“Everything has a reason behind it.” He paused before adding, “You didn’t even answer the question” Bucky retorted his expressions becoming guarded. Where was Stark’s promise of “vigilance” when he needed it? His eyes flicked up to the closest monitoring camera wondering if it was actually doing its job or if Loki had taken care of that earlier. Maybe he should hit the panic button. “You hiding somethin’?”  


Loki merely rolled his eyes at the accusatory query and again spoke dismissively, as if Bucky’s words continued to mean nothing to him. “It would be a lie if I said I said I wasn’t but I assure you that none of that has anything to do with you. As for your question, I’m the God of Madness, what I create I can also take away. But believe me, I have no intention of doing more than helping you sleep at night.”  


“How generous..” Bucky remarked dryly, casting an unimpressed glare towards Loki, though it appeared to have little effect on Loki. “I’m glad your intentions are so noble.”  


“What can I say, you caught my interest. Don’t let it get to your head and make me regret this.” Loki chuckled lightly at his own words, though his tone held darker edges to it, and the way he stared at Bucky from the corner of his eyes was concerning. Even if he pretended to be interested in the room he was standing in, Bucky was clearly the only thing holding his attention. Unless he found cold concrete and a cat poster attractive. “I’ve never claimed to be noble, and my offer only stands because I find you intriguing. You’re just lucky that you’re amusing, for a mortal.” He said in an almost clipped tone, scratching at his palm again before changing the subject. “The arm they pried off you is of crude craftsmanship, not to mention that the way it was attached was simply barbaric. The fact that the Man of Iron was able to pry it off at all speaks volumes of his technological genius. That’s why I’m here now talking to you instead of returning to my own realm. Your existence is a strange testimony to both the inventiveness and cruelty of Midgard. Lucky you.”  


Barnes paused looking down behind himself to his bed, choosing to ignore Loki while he was talking about the soldier he used to be. He didn’t feel like hearing about his arm, or anything about Hydra, or the failing attempts at his rehabilitation. He just wanted to be left alone, without being monitored and checked on. He wanted to sleep, even if he knew that the nightmares would wake him up almost faster then he could actually fall asleep. Loki was still monologuing, and Bucky had to be honest with himself, Loki didn’t seem to be lying. It looked like he’d made his intentions clear and even though Bucky still couldn’t trust him, his offer was really tempting. Bucky needed sleep and Loki was offering to help him. Even if it was a lie, could Bucky really get any crazier than he already was? Would death really be so bad?  


Loki’s sharp voice cut through his thoughts and he sounded annoyed. Clearly, he didn’t like being ignored. “Clearly you don’t care enough to pay attention, and if that’s how you’re going to be I will just take my leave. I am a king, my time is not to be wasted.”  


Bucky’s eyes narrowed challengingly and he crossed his arms over his chest, changing his posture to be more aggressive, “Oh, I’m sorry. Is your time too valuable for me? I was going to take you up on your offer but if that’s how you're going to be I’m going to have to say no. I apologize for inconveniencing you so by taking a moment to think about what you’re saying.”  


Bucky’s challenge clearly caught Loki off guard, at least for a split second, but fast as lightning his face hid away the shock and left in its place the idea that he was impressed with Bucky. Impressed that he had the bravery to snap at a God like that. “Go to sleep, I’ll keep the nightmares away for the night, and I’ll keep this between us. No need for Stark to catch wind of this little indiscretion and think you’re reconsidering your reformation. Or turn his attention to me for that matter.”  


“How do I know you’re not just going to stab me in my sleep, or just make it worse for me?” Bucky asked, hesitating as he had every right to.” I’ve heard the stories down the grapevine that Thor had told, and I’d rather that not happen to me. I’m not as immune as he is.” Loki was a villain and even worse, he said he was a God. If he really is a God then he probably has a lot more power than anyone on earth.  


Loki gave Bucky a disgusted groan as a response, rolling his eyes in exasperation. “My patience is not limitless Sergeant, and neither is my time. If you have so many doubts then just say no and get on with it. And as for Thor, his opinions are on one privileged side of a coin, it’s best not to make assumptions when you only know one side of the story.”  


“No, I mean wait, I’ll do it. I honestly don’t know how much longer I can live without sleep so if you’re going to help me then just do it.” Bucky conceded, scooting back into the bed and somewhat clumsily laying down. Even though he had finally agreed to Loki’s help he still kept his eyes on him, he still couldn’t be sure that he wouldn’t get attacked the second he closed his eyes. Especially with the anger he’d seemed to have evoked at the mention of Thor. “If you do stab me in the back can you at least make it painless? I think I’ve earned at least that much.”  


“I don’t have any reason not to,” Loki replied placidly, watching Bucky get comfortable after his words of affirmation and close his eyes in an attempt to finally sleep. “Besides, it would be wrong of me to not grant a dying man his final wish.”  


Bucky listened to the sounds of Loki’s soft footsteps as he approached him leisurely. Loki sat on the side of the bed and Bucky tensed as it shifted under his weight. He hadn’t let anyone get this close to him in a long time, not even Steve, even though some barely-there memories told him that Steve was just about all he could trust.  


Loki didn’t allow Bucky to wallow in his troubled thoughts for very long after sitting down. He simply reached over and gently rubbed little circles into Bucky’s forehead. Maybe it was supposed to be a comforting gesture but God his hand felt like ice. It would have been unsettling if a strange feeling of calm hadn’t started to wash over him. Whatever magic Loki was using was making Bucky relaxed and drowsy and he quickly nodded off, falling into a dreamless sleep for the first time in weeks, maybe even years. He couldn’t remember and for the time being, he really didn’t care. He just wanted to drown in this lovely feeling of peace.  


No sooner then he saw Bucky relax, Loki stood. It was hardly exciting to push back the chaos running rampant in Bucky’s mind. It was no more different than what he usually saw in the Asgardian or Jotun soldiers that came back from war. The only thing about his fractured mind that was any sort of interesting was his struggle to adjust to modern day Earth, and even then he’d seen that struggle before. Lived it even. Loki sighed and stepped away a few paces, though before disappearing in a gold and green shimmer of magic he glanced back at Bucky and decided that he was hardly worth his time. He was only worth the confusion it would cause Stark at his random nights of blissful sleep.


	2. Chapter 2

It had been two weeks since Bucky first met Loki. He had only seen him a few times since then, Loki always said that running a kingdom made it harder for him to bother coming. Bucky was apparently low on his list of priorities. The few times he had shown up had been enough to convince Tony to say he was healthy enough to leave his room, however. Stark was even starting to trust him and would let him be outside without constant supervision. That meant that Bucky was capable of sitting in a modestly busy cafe while waiting for Steve to arrive and make the crowd of people enjoying the sunny day seem less formidable. He was very early for their second date but he really couldn’t stand having Stark hover over him anymore. He was doing a little bit better, mostly because of the sleep Loki had been helping him get, and Stark was definitely suspicious of it.  


Bucky was staring at the traffic passing next to the table he’d chosen while he thought about his situation. It made him oblivious to the shimmer of magic appearing in the seat to his right. Loki was silently fuming in her chair as she folded her arms across her chest in the most dignified manner she could manage while frustrated. After settling into the chair she stole, she stared pointedly at Bucky, not trying to make him notice her, just waiting for him to see her on his own. Bucky wasn’t bad to look at either, he had a more rugged charm Loki could admire. Hm, when had she started considering Bucky attractive instead of boring? She could still clearly see how worn down he was from all he had had to endure, but that wasn’t something she was unfamiliar with. It’d be hypocritical of her to say she couldn’t like him because of the invisible weight he carried on his shoulders.  


Her appearance startled Bucky, and when he finally noticed her, enough that his body visibly jerked away from her position and it was clear that he almost didn’t recognize her in this form either. “Loki?” He asked to be certain, continuing after her affirmative nod, “This is a..” He paused again, this time to look her over. He tried not to make it obvious that he was admiring Loki’s appearance in the slightest, she really wasn’t the person he should be even slightly attracted to. Hoping to deflect away from his staring and also stopping her from noticing he questioned her. If he could get her talking he’d stand at least half a chance. “This is an interesting look? Are you supposed to be disguised? Because I think that you’re a little overdressed for a cafe..”  


“No.” She replied almost matter-of-factly. “I had simply grown tired of being male. And yes I am overdressed, but I was in a hurry.” She stated pointedly glancing over at Bucky in what she tried to pass off as disdain, but Bucky had seen the look enough to know that it was just another act. Another web in her tangled web of deception. “I needed to leave my palace for a short time. Just long enough for them to give up and go home.”  


“Them..?” Bucky questioned, not only wondering what h-she meant by that but also knowing by now that that was a cue to ask so she had permission to talk more about herself. This wasn’t the first conversation where she’d done that, and he didn’t want to suffer for missing that cue today. “May I ask who ‘them’ is?”  


“Another suitor. My family, well what’s left of it, is insistent about marrying me off. I thought I had managed to stop people from wanting to try but apparently not. There’s still nobility bold enough to try and woo me and it’s becoming irksome. I don’t see why I need to get married. I can rule on my own and I am both King and Queen, depending on my mood.” Loki replied haughtily, sounding completely self-assured. Clearly, she didn’t need an ego boost, she already knew her importance. Of course what Bucky didn’t know, and didn’t need to know, was that this was another lie. There was no suitor, just political spats that didn’t concern him.  


“Oh, I’m sorry?” Bucky inquired, finding himself forcing his gaze at her face when she crossed her legs off to one side. He didn’t even know why, this was Loki, even if h-she was a woman now. She wasn’t really much different aside from the more revealing dress she was wearing. Think of Steve, Bucky, think of Steve. You’re acting like a horny teenager. “Why’d you come here? I thought you didn’t want to talk to me outside of your nighttime visits.”  


“I don’t. But I didn’t want to be around Thor in Asgard. He’s still upset over his break-up. So the only other person I know that I can tolerate is you.” Loki remarked, at least this time it was only half a lie. Thor was somewhat involved. “Not that that’s important to you. Don’t bother wasting your breath asking me about it, I don’t want to talk about it. Now, what brings you to a cafe in the middle of the day? I didn’t know people like you frequented them.”  


“People like me? What’s that supposed to mean?” Bucky griped at her, crossing his arms to mimic her stance in a more aggressive manner. “I’m here to be outside, away from the lab, and..” Bucky paused, struggling with the right words for what he wanted to say as he tucked a strand of loose hair behind his ears nervously. “-And to go on a date with my boyfriend.”  


Loki recrossed her legs to the other side, acutely aware of how hard Bucky tried not to stare. It was adorable. She decided to push him a little by uncrossing her arms and leaning into the table. Her dresses neckline would do the rest. “Hasn’t Bucky Barnes only been around for a month or so?” She said coyly, smirking as she rested her head in one of her hands. Bucky was definitely starting to sweat, though his dedication to decency was admirable. Admittedly, Bucky was much more interesting than Loki had originally anticipated, and she no longer dreaded visiting him. When did that change? “That’s quite fast. Who could it be? Some random nobody that likes broody, mysterious men? Or someone of personal importance, like the Captain?”  


“As a matter of fact yes. It’s Steve. You don’t sound like you agree with that.” Bucky accused. Loki was playing with him and he didn’t like it. He didn’t feel like being mocked, especially when his day had already been pretty terrible.  
Loki’s smirk seemed to grow more prominent on her face as she leaned back with a dark laugh. “No. I honestly could care less. But if I’m going to be honest, you're using him as a crutch. He’s all you can remember being attached to that’s still alive. Aside from the Black Widow of course. I don’t blame you for gravitating to him but dating him is a little much. Isn’t he practically family to you? Can you really tell me that look at him the way you’ve been looking at me?” Loki twirled a lock of her hair idly as she interjected her unwanted opinion on the matter.  


Bucky was caught off guard. He ended up just staring at her again as she smirked at him. But she wasn’t right, he cared about Steve, really cared. Loki was just being, well, Loki. She was lying and being manipulative to get a reaction out of him, that’s what she always did. She was perceptive, he’d give her that. Only a few visits and she’d already figured out how to get under his skin and was using that to her advantage. Whatever advantage that was.  


As if she could hear his thoughts she spoke up again quickly “Look Bucky, I’m going to continue to spread my honesty here. But only because my free will is in serious jeopardy today. I’ve seen bits and pieces of what goes on in your head and for that, I wish to be wrong. I’d like for you to be happy dating the Captain. For that same reason, I don’t think you're being completely honest with yourself about this. I think you’re confused about how you feel about him.” She looked genuine and words sounded alarmingly gentle but that only made Bucky feel defensive.  


“You need to go,” He said abruptly, refusing to even think about what she said. Not when he desperately needed something to go right today. “Steve is going to be here soon. With your record, he shouldn’t see you. Especially not with me. And don’t call me Bucky. You haven’t earned that right yet.”  


Bucky turned back to the street, once again feeling upset. He heard the metal of her chair scrape across the ground and assumed that she had left until he saw a jet black cat hop onto the table and over the small iron fence into the planter box next to his table. The cat looked at him with intelligent green eyes and seemed to glare accusingly at him. It was definitely Loki. He watched the cat settle into the planter box and feign interest in the flower leaves around her as Steve finally arrived. Bucky couldn’t be happier to see him, even if he was annoyed by Loki continuing her little tirade against his happiness.  


“Hey, Buck!” Steve called cheerfully as he sat down in the chair across from Bucky. Somehow just seeing Steve’s old familiar grin had Bucky smiling right along with him. Steve was the sun that finally came to shine through his rain clouds.  


“Hey, Steve how’s it going? Still managing to put up with Tony alright?” Bucky asked, relaxing his posture from his encounter with Loki. The cat in question meowed in a deceitfully adorable way, purposefully calling attention to herself to get Steve to notice her. Loki you narcissistic ass.  
“Hey, Tony isn’t that bad, he’s just a little weird” Steve chuckled, looking over at Loki. She stood and arched her spine in a graceful stretch as she meowed at him again. “Aw, who’s this? It’s adorable”  


Bucky frowned a little at her as Steve reached out to let her sniff his hand. “Oh, I don’t know. Some stray I guess. Maybe you should leave her alone, you don’t know if she’s dangerous.”  


“Nah, they look really well cared for. Strays don’t usually look this well fed.” Steve said smiling as Loki butted against his hand and let him pet her. It annoyed Bucky to see that, knowing that that wasn’t really a cat at all. He glared at her when she deliberately looked over at him and meowed again, it just sounded smug. Loki knew exactly what she was doing the asshole. Obviously, he’d offended her by telling her to leave and she was making him pay for it.  


“Alright fine. I warned you, if you get bit it’s your fault.” Bucky yielded, glaring at Loki again for sticking around. There was so much that could go wrong with this, like how every time he looked at her he could hear her words ringing in his head. She acted like she cared about his relationship with Steve but she must have just wanted to make him doubt himself. She wanted some kind of advantage on him, and damn her for figuring out how to get to him so easily.  


“Ya, ya, you warned me. Just like you always do.” Steve said, sitting back down when Loki finally shied away from him. Cat or not Loki still wasn’t fond of being touched.  


Bucky stared at Loki as she settled back into the planter, mulling over what she had said to him earlier. As much as he hated to admit it, she’d really gotten under his skin. He had to say something to Steve, consequences be damned. “Hey, Steve..” Bucky said quietly, gathering his thoughts and his courage. “Do you think this is right? I mean, us going out. Being ‘more than friends.’”  


“What do you mean? Is something wrong?” Steve questioned, sitting up and looking over at Bucky in confusion. The look he gave Bucky made him want to just quit talking and take everything back. Too bad you can’t take back what’s already been said.  


“Something's always wrong with me..” Bucky remarked to himself. He had to avert his gaze from Steve, he really didn’t think he could face the hurt this was probably going to cause him. “But that’s not what I meant to say. I’ve just been thinking and I’m starting to wonder if I’m using you and if you’re just using me too. Because, I mean, we’ve both been kinda yanked out of time and we only really know each other, and I don’t know if I’m dating you because I like you as more than a friend or just because your the only person I know here that doesn’t want me dead.” Bucky curled into himself a little at his own words, wholly regretting even getting up this morning. “Even though you don’t want me dead sometimes I just think that you’re not trying to help me and you’re just trying to get the old Bucky back.”  


Steve just stared at him in shock. He couldn’t think of anything to say to that. Bucky had just told him that he was using him, or even worse trying to manipulate him. How could he think that..? “Bucky that’s not true. I just want you to get better. I want you to move past what HYDRA did and be..” Steve paused, realizing exactly how the rest of that sentence was going to sound.  


“And be how I used to be back then before all this happened. Before I was turned into a weapon,” Bucky finished “Well, your brown eyed Buck is gone Steve. He’s never coming back. He was dying well before I fell off the.. the f-freight car. I don’t think I even deserve that nickname anymore.” Bucky retorted dully, standing up from the table slowly. Feeling the weight of everything that had happened to him today hit him at once `and he almost crumpled from how heavy the emotional side of it was. First Tony saying he was getting worse, then Loki saying he was lying to himself and everyone else, and now his confusion over where he and Steve stood adding this on top of it. Steve was the worst blow of the three. He thought that Steve would stand by him, not try to erase everything that he’d become like it felt Tony was. Steve was supposed to help him grow, not try to change him back... Not this. “I need to call a rain check, I’m sorry. It was a mistake to even come outside today.” He said softly, digging into his pocket and tossing a few crumpled up bills on the table along with some change. He hadn’t ordered anything but he felt bad for just sitting there looking sad so he may as well pay the shop for letting him stay, even if that was all the money he had.  


“Buck wait. Don’t walk away please.” Steve whispered, emotion catching in his throat. He didn’t make any move to get up with him though, and his plea fell on deaf ears. Bucky was already gone, even if he was still in sight.  


He walked away and he refused to look back because looking back meant showing Steve how much simply existing was painful to him. He didn’t want Steve to suffer that burden too. He walked until he rounded a corner, and then another, and another. He walked aimlessly until he was nowhere he recognized and it wasn’t long after that that he found himself hiding behind a dumpster in an abandoned alleyway, sobbing as quietly as he could manage. He wished that the Avengers or SHIELD or whoever would’ve just killed him when they found him. He didn’t want to live like this, like some broken toy that everyone keeps trying to “fix” and make all better. He couldn’t go back to being the Bucky of the past and he seemed to be the only one that understood that.  


Bucky didn’t even hear the click of heels walking assuredly towards him until it was too late to even try to cover up his crying. That didn’t keep him from trying though, so as soon as the clicking registered to him he simply pulled the soft hood up over his head, wishing that it would actually hide him. He heard some shuffling of fabric and a presence over him, but he refused to look up. If he didn't then he could maybe pretend nobody was there. That plan however, became much harder to carry out when a cold hand slipped under and inside his hood of safety and proceeded to gently force his head up to look at them. Not like making him move was all that hard when all Bucky wanted to do was become a pile of sad jello on the ground. Once he looked up he only saw Loki kneeling in front of him. She reminded him of Lucifer in that moment, an angel sure, but deceitful and flawed in a way too human for a God. She had a box of tissues with her, it made him smile for some reason.  


She made a tsk noise at him when she held out the tissues to him, but her face was completely serious for once. “Darling, if I would’ve known that you would breakdown like this I never would’ve said anything.” When he refused to take the tissues the hand still holding his face left him and instead grabbed a tissue from the box she was carrying. “I’m at fault for this incident I’m afraid so I’m not going to allow you to weasel away from taking care of yourself by being stubborn. So I’ll give you an ultimatum. You take care of yourself or I do it for you.” She stated firmly. She sounded like a mother scolding her kids and it made him want to flinch away, but instead of responding all he did was drop his head again.  


She sighed and set the box on the ground next to her so she could cradle his face again and pull it up to look at her. She was surprisingly gentle when she wiped his face free of his tears. It reminded him of how his mom used to take care of him when he was a kid. It was bittersweet to even remember that that was a luxury he used to have. He never expected something like that from someone like her and it almost made him regret calling her Lucifer earlier, even if it wasn’t out loud.  


The kindness and gentleness from Loki made him cry again, he wasn't expecting her to care so much or so genuinely, especially after she ruined his day completely. When he broke down into tears he let out a pathetic whimper that he’d never admit to making. He swore he heard her say ‘Oh by Asgard’ under her breath but didn’t get much of a chance to think about how that was more like the Loki he was familiar with when she pulled him into a hug and shushed him. Loki honestly had no idea how comfort an adult but if her mother could do it so could she. She just had to do what her mom did, and hope that this wasn’t too different from caring for children. So she held him and hugged him close, trying to hold him through the tears like Mother used to do for Loki herself.  


While Loki held him Bucky’s mind started to wander again. Loki was, or he thought she was, what reminded him most of being the Winter Soldier. She again reminded him of the people who used to give him his missions. His handlers. She was curt and abrupt and she didn’t stick around any longer than she had too, just long enough to give him his orders. Maybe that’s why her being so kind now confused him so much. She shouldn't be letting him cry or expose his emotions like this. She should just be making him get back in line, back into his proper place. Back where he belongs, underneath a bigger man’s boot. This was the first time someone had seen how vulnerable he was and he wasn’t been treated like a broken toy or a lab experiment. She was just treating him like a person. It wasn’t right.  


Eventually, Loki grabbed another tissue and wiped away his tears once she thought he was really done crying. She sighed at him and he was grateful to hear her treat him like she normally did. “You look awful, your entire face is red and puffy now and that is not a flattering look on you. Not to mention that I’m sure you just ruined my best black dress. Regardless I think this disaster deserves either ice cream or a four-course meal.”  


“Sorry, Ma’am,” Bucky said softly, slipping into old formalities just from the stress of it all. It was just easier. “You don’t have to do that. I’m sure Tony is waiting for me to show up back at the lab again anyways.”  


“Oh please. That’s all the more reason to do just that. And besides, I ruined your date and probably months of therapy so you’ve earned it. Oh, and don’t you dare think of paying me back, it would do you well to keep your earnings for yourself.” Loki pronounced, not for the first time sounding every bit the Queen she was. It was just the first time Bucky had truly noticed it instead of worrying over all her inner machinations.  


“I don’t deserve your kindness Ma-” he paused, “Loki... All I’ve done is get upset at you, ruin your dress and now you won't even let me pay for some type of food that I also don’t deserve. Why aren't you mad at me, I’ve been disobedient and my behavior has been unacceptable. I don’t deserve this..” I deserve the lash. Bucky avoided finishing that sentence, already feeling considerably emptier than he did before. That was good, that’s how he should feel.  


“I refuse to treat you the way that everyone else has. That’s why I’m not mad. You are a person, not a machine and I can’t be upset with you for letting out everything you’ve been hiding away. Also, I’d appreciate it if you stopped talking to me like one of my subjects. It’s a little unsettling.” Loki said firmly, deciding not to mention anything about how she knew how it felt. How she had once learned that she was nothing more than a brainwashed tool to end a war. Or how she was yanked away from the death she deserved and tortured into submission. Today wasn’t about her.. “-And if I’m really on a mission to make you feel the slightest bit better I know the easiest way to do that is to show you things you’d never normally get to see. I don’t even have to spend any of this earth currency if that really is a problem.”  


“I’d prefer if you didn’t spend money on me. That just means I’d have to pay you back or remain in debt. Most likely the latter since I have no money May I ask what you have in mind..?” Bucky said softly, trying to keep his head lowered to avoid eye contact out of the fear that his stupid question would somehow break the nice facade Loki had to be playing.  


“Well, let's see. Earth is fairly boring if you aren’t wasting money but I can take you to any of the nine realms. Well most of them anyways. More like five of them” Loki pondered, thinking seriously about what could really wow Bucky. She doubted it would be very hard, he’d never been off the planet before, so anything alien could easily leave him reeling for days. “Or, I have one even better. It’s more wild and dangerous but I have powerful connections there. I could take you to Saakar. A land of little order and lots of unnecessary decadence. I’ve been meaning to make a trip there anyways.”


	3. Chapter 3

“Sakkar? The nine realms? Can you explain that to me, I don’t know what those are” Bucky asked instinctively reaching to mess with the plates on his left arm. He groped at where it wasn’t anymore and dropped his arm in a way that almost seemed defeated. “Isn’t that from Norse mythology?” 

“Sakkar is not. Sakkar is known as the planet of the lost, run by a man called the Grandmaster. We have a history together and I can convince him not to throw you in his gladiator pit with the rest of the people that are brought in. You’re too unarmed to fight in a pit like that” Loki cooed at him, sounding slightly condescending as she patted the top of Bucky’s head. He wondered if she was aware of the unfortunate word choice, she probably was. Even so, it was still a big breath of fresh air to be treated like a person when he was spoken too. It was so much better than being treated fragile like everyone else tended to treat him. Or skirted around like a damn bomb. 

“So you want me to come with you to watch a gladiator fight between alien people? Isn’t that a bit barbaric?” Bucky swatted Loki’s hand away with a half hearted glare, it was the best he could manage well suffering from post crying eyes.

“Not just that, there’s also copious amounts of drinking and gambling too. And of course drunken fights and plenty of people willing to hop into bed with just about anyone. The Grandmaster is quite the hedonist”  


“I don’t think that’s what you should have said to convince me. I’ve got Steve, remember?” Bucky mumbled at her, not even bothering to look up at her. In hindsight that probably wasn’t smart. Eye contact seemed to be the only thing that got through to her. Show no weakness and all that.  


“James, forgive me for sticking my nose where it doesn’t belong but you don’t sound so sure” Bucky once again found a strong but delicate hand lifting his head gently and he found himself staring into Loki’s eyes again. Despite how much she touched him though, she had yet to try and sway his mind in her favor. Bucky wasn’t quite sure if he should find that more alarming then if she had tried to, but it was definitely a change from the norm. “Come with me to Saakar, sate your need for violence and anarchy. I at least promise that I won’t let the Grandmaster throw you in the pit. Even if that means a less than savory night on my end.”

Bucky felt himself giving in and he just nodded in response as the hand left his face. For a second he wished he hadn’t, and for a second he felt something unknown at her insinuation of what she’d end up doing for this ‘Grandmaster’ she talked about. He didn’t want her to suffer over him.

“Sakaar it is then. The land of the lost..” Her voice faded to a whisper as she drifted off into her own thoughts, continuing on as if she’d simply forgotten Bucky was there. The memories left a rare show of pain on her face and as bad as Bucky felt he couldn’t bring himself to interrupt her. It was his chance to finally hear about her past, something all her stories skipped over. “There was once a time when I fit in perfectly there..” 

Loki stopped and smiled softly at Bucky, another gesture full of unnerving gentleness. It was quickly chased by her running her icy hand down his arm and grasping his hand. He shuddered at the cold trail of goosebumps she left and distractedly allowed her to pull him up to his feet as she stood. Guess there goes his chance to learn about her, those moments always seemed so fleeting. It was obvious that there was a lot she didn’t want to talk about when it came to herself. 

“I hope it's not too much to ask but please don’t throw up on my dress too. Teleportation has that effect on people the first couple times round and I hit my limit when you cried on me.” She massaged the back of Bucky’s hand as she spoke scathingly to him, more like an echo of her usual nervous habit of picking at her palm than actual concern.

Bucky again nodded along with her words again barely registering her command to him. If he was going to be sick because of this could he actually stop himself from throwing up? He wondered if he’d managed to do so before, anything is possible with his amnesia. Pulled rather violently from his thoughts as he felt a sharp, gut-wrenching pull that left Bucky feeling as if he was being sucked into a vacuum, or a less violent black hole. It was over just as fast as it began but Bucky still got hit with a nauseating wave of vertigo. He felt the world spin and instinctively tried to lean on Loki but quickly found that his only support had left him as everything wobbled and tilted downwards. 

Bucky woke up again to see Loki’s face hovering above him. Not for the first time today he registered amusement on her face. Her internal laughter made him sick. Well, sicker. “I’m impressed, only a blackout on your first time. Must be beginners luck.” 

Loki turned from him shortly after affirming that he’d lived through the encounter and she’d gotten the chance to throw a somewhat friendly insult his way. That left a still dizzy Bucky to pick himself off the ground and familiarize himself with his new surroundings. Sakaar was apparently a planet with mounds and mounds of trash. No, not just trash, Loki said they were lost things. Lost people. 

This must be were all the left socks end up, Bucky mused. As he dusted himself off and shook off the vertigo Loki finally turned his full attention back to him, only just now seeming to fully notice Bucky’s presence.

“I hope I didn’t leave a bad first impression of the Grandmaster. Him and I do get along, but for two reasons I’d rather not deal with his eccentric tendencies. He’s rather.. vigorous.. for an older man. He can be rather finicky too. I suggest you play along with what I tell him, it will surely save you from death.. I hope. Not to mention I’d rather not lose the trust I’ve taken so long to build with him. I could die if I do, and I’ve already squandered his singular allowance for an attempt on his life.” Bucky once again nodded, growing ever more worried about the context behind her words. So far he only knew that the Grandmaster enjoyed parties and was temperamental, Loki was right, that really wasn’t painting a good image of him. 

“Finicky and Eccentric? Sounds like a lot of work.. How’d you meet him.. If I may ask.”

“I fell out of the bifrost. For the second time. Got myself in trouble for being somewhere I shouldn’t be and fell out well escaping. Interestingly, the cold vacuum of space has yet to kill me.” Loki stated blandly, using more magic to make a black and green train appear on her dress, and and ornate gold crown on her head. The crown had horns, and an interesting blue stone that glowed like nothing Bucky had ever seen on earth. Strangely it reminded Bucky of what the serum did to his eyes.

“I ended up on Sakaar and some scrapper tried to subdue me. Killing him was all to easy but when I tried to escape on his ship I sadly had no idea to fly it, as it wasn't like what I've seen ofAsgard or Kree ships. Another group of them came and subdued me well I was distracted. I was lucky they took me to the Grandmaster instead of just feeding me to the natives for the fight I put up. The Grandmaster seemed to like my fighting spirit and once he let me talk, well, I am the Goddess of Stories. I got out the confinements well I was talking and stabbed him. He liked me enough to let me stick around afterwards and then we talked, for about an hour. But I’ll spare you the rest, you really don’t want to hear it, trust me.”

“Wait, you stabbed him and he liked you for it..? You survived space and ended up here? That makes the least amount of sense..” Part of Bucky regretted asking, this only was more confusing than before. I suppose that’s what happens when you have a severe case of amnesia. You forget all the important things that would help make sense of the things you learn. Though his confusion didn’t stop him from adding a final question onto his inquiries. “And what’s a bye-frost..?”

“Nothing makes sense on Sakaar. Least of all him. You’ll have to get used to it. But yes, I survived space, the cold doesn’t affect me and I am a goddess. I can live without air longer than you” She paused to summon something into her hands, it looked like a simple gold circle. “The bifrost is how most Asgardians travel through the nine realms, usually with the blessing of Heimdall. Wear this.” She commanded shoving the gold circle at him, which he quickly realized was a collar.

“O-oh.. Do I have to..?” Bucky stared at it and found himself blushing like a naive schoolgirl as he accepted it hesitantly. It was surprisingly light, but that didn’t stop him from believing that Loki had really just handed him solid gold. 

Bucky nodded along with Loki and reached back to snap the collar on obediently, feeling guilty over how he was reacting to her commands, it wasn’t fair to Steve. Even if Steve had kinda hurt him today. He made eye contact with her and felt her triumph burn into him. He refused to look away like he had before, he didn’t feel like giving her the satisfaction of embarrassing him into obedience again.

“Don’t hold eye contact with me like that again.” Loki growled a bit forcefully, causing bucky to flinch reflexively, but the bite of her tone didn’t quite reach her eyes. It seemed like she was practicing. She snapped her fingers and beckoned him to walk into the city with her. “You can’t be my friend here. Just play your role, keep your head down and do as you’re told. That shouldn’t be difficult for you.” Her voice softened as she continued, and did she call Bucky her friend? 

Bucky quickly started walking behind her. She was right, it wasn’t difficult for him to fall in line, to be a “pet.” It was something he had a lot of practice with. It was almost alarming how comfortable the role felt to him, it was so much easier to follow orders than to make them up for himself. Doing this felt easier than anything Tony or Steve had been trying to help him do in the past few months. 

“Hey.. I know I should stop talking but do you think I should look like this if I’m supposed to be a royal’s pet?”

Loki paused and looked him and up and down. Bucky stopped with her, making sure to avoid eye contact just in case. Loki hummed softly and Bucky soon saw his outfit disappear and be replaced with expensive looking black and green robes, complete with a gold cuff around his wrist. He was glad there wasn’t a leash, those were humiliating and fraught with bad memories. 

“It’s just an illusion, don’t get too excited” Loki said absently after noticing his curiosity, continuing her walk towards the city without bothering to even glance back in Bucky’s direction again. 

The walk over to the Grandmaster’s tower from the city’s edge wasn’t very long but it felt like it took a millenia. There was so much to look at, the city was everything Loki said it would be and so much more. There was definitely lots of partying and drunk aliens but everything was so futuristic and foreign. Bucky couldn’t get over the sleek high rising buildings and all the people that looked so different from anything Bucky had ever seen. All the sci-fi movies and video games didn’t do it justice at all. Nothing he’d heard of on Earth compared to the colors and architecture here. It was clearly made of the same things the heaps of garbage were made of in a messy and yet grandiose way. It was overwhelming. By the time they reached the tower Bucky’s heart was pounding and he could feel himself shaking in a way he couldn’t control. If Loki noticed she didn’t do anything to help him and it was starting to feel like he shouldn’t have agreed to leave Earth. How was he supposed to know that this trip would make him feel so small.

Taking a breath he ran himself through his breathing exercises, something that Steve had taught him after a few days of being in the Avengers facility. He was told that people all over the world used them, so that made him feel a little better, at least he wasn’t alone in that struggle. There was alien chatter all throughout the halls they traveled and it was fairly distracting, he wondered what they were saying if they even were looking at him at all, though he couldn’t bring himself to look at them too closely. Despite his interest in the unknown, being face to face with it was a little terrifying. He just hoped none of them were violent, or ate people. 

He inched closer to Loki, being extra careful not to tread on her dress train, not wanting to fuck up and earn himself some form of punishment. Was punishment even an option? This was all a ruse to keep him from being tossed to the wolves, if space even had wolves, it’s not like he actually belonged to Loki. He was a free man. Well, as free as somebody who usually spends their days locked up in their room for their own protection could be. He shuddered at his own thoughts. Logically, if he were to belong to anybody it would be Steve. Or Stark, though he much preferred the former. But thinking about belonging to Steve was very strange. Was Steve even into that sort of thing..? With all the times he’d been told he’d saved Steve from just about everything, wouldn’t Steve belong to him? Bucky shook his head again, it was best not to dwell on those thoughts when he should be paying attention to Loki. Loki is supposed to be his “master” and he was here to see new things. Now wasn’t the time.

Loki waved past a few guards and beckoned Bucky into an elevator. She glanced over at Bucky for the first time since the charade had started. It didn’t take long before her hand reached out and touched Bucky’s face. He flinched out of instinct, freezing up when her hand caressed his cheek and offered a wave of calm. He sighed as his previous anxiety just floated away, suddenly aliens and sci-fi buildings just didn’t seem as bad. As long as Loki was near, he would be okay. Silently he looked up and her and mouthed a silent ‘thank you’ for her help. She didn’t have to do that, especially on top of everything else. 

For a moment or two he just marveled at all the new things he could see out of the glass backed elevator. Even if the world was full of lost and unwanted thing it still had quite the view. The sky was full of colourful clouds and giant holes, rips in space that dropped more items onto the planet. People below in the cities tossed multi-coloured powder into the air and danced to music he couldn’t hear. It was amazing to just look at, and he knew he'd probably never see something like it again. And then Loki’s hand slipped from his face and the cold anxiety started to worm its way back into his soul. The elevator opened to a classic scene of decadence. People dressed lavishly laid about on couches and sipped weird looking drinks while others danced to even stranger music. Loki strode out of the elevator with a level of confidence that Bucky had no hopes of matching. There was a strange air about the room that he felt as soon as the elevator stopped, almost a buzzing and nagging feeling that crawled all along his skin, but he couldn’t place what exactly was causing it. It must have been nerves. He stared quietly at the floor, peeking every once and a while to notice that, thankfully, people didn’t seem to care too much about either of them. They were all too absorbed in themselves to care about anything outside their own bubble.

Loki wove her way through the crowd and it didn’t take long to notice that she had a clear target in mind. She was headed over to a group of three standing a short distance from the rest of the crowd. One woman seemed to be in a similar position to Bucky, she wasn’t talking, just guarding. He’d hate to run into her in a dark alley, she was stocky and had a serious expression that could’ve made a viking cry. The other two men looked similar and yet simultaneously like complete opposites. One was in brightly colored flowing robes and had an ever-present smile. The other in mostly black wearing a fur cape and having a serious, guarded expression that didn’t fit in with the atmosphere around him. They both radiated power that made Loki’s seem like a child in comparison, and they both had grayed hair and a single stripe of blue makeup decorating their lips in a way that just seemed symbolic in a way. 

The woman that was guarding them leaned in and seemed to interject and suddenly the older man turned and waved off the other, tougher looking guy. A bigger grin than before split across his across his face and Bucky could honestly say that that is the opposite of what he expected from someone called the Grandmaster. 

Loki paused to conjure up some weird kind of weapon..? It looked like a gun? And held it out to the Grandmaster with not only an elegant outstretching of her arms but a small flirtatious bat of her eyelashes. Bucky could tell the move was well practiced. “A gift, as per our usual agreement. This is a Kree weapon. I don’t know what it does but I thought you’d appreciate the puzzle.”

Bucky watched the Grandmaster’s face light up at the gift and wave the woman to take the weapon from Loki and tuck it away. He turned his attention to Loki as she passed it off to another frightened looking person who promptly scurried away as soon as it was in their possession. It was clear that they didn’t want to be anywhere near the Grandmaster. Seeing their reaction to him caused Bucky’s confusion on who the Grandmaster was, and what he was capable of to worsen. Bucky didn't feel terror from being around the Grandmaster but how everyone else reacted to him gave him the impression he should be afraid. 

“Later, later. You haven’t been around in while” the Grandmaster replied cheerily. “Have you, uh, have you had anything to drink yet? You know the best drinks in the galaxy are made here!” he added, pressing a button on the keyboard looking thing he was hovering over and waving Loki after him and towards the bartender, who thankfully didn’t look too different from a human. Just a little redder than Bucky was used to. 

“No, not quite yet. I came immediately to you, perhaps that was a little too eager of me..?” Bucky watched Loki smile flirtatiously and soften her usually barbed words and couldn’t help the twinge of jealousy he felt. She has never been this demure before but suddenly she was just soft and shy, like a cowbird in a strangers nest. Bucky would almost prefer this Loki over the one he was used to, except he knew that this Loki wasn’t being entirely sincere. 

“Eager to see me? You’re ever the charmer Lo-Lo~ Thats one of the reasons I like you so much..!” With a beaconing of his hand and a few words with the bartender drinks of astonishing colour were made and given to both the Grandmaster and Loki in record time. “I, uh, I remember how much you liked this drink, so I had it made for you. Enjoy..!” 

Bucky watched the Grandmaster from his place off to the side of Loki, that was until he looked over at Bucky, gesturing at him with a flourish of his arm. The nagging, buzzing feeling came back in a rush as he snapped his eyes back to the floor, feeling ashamed that he was caught staring at somebody such a high rank above him.

“Who is he? It, ah, it is a he right..?” The Grandmaster asked Loki, leaning over towards her but keeping his eyes on Bucky. The buzzing feeling made bucky’s skin tingle until it felt like he was being prodded, searched almost and it made him wonder if this wasn’t just his nerves but actually some kind of magic. The Grandmasters magic maybe? Did he have magic? 

“He is my new favorite pet. There’s something adorable about the damaged little midgardian. I do hope you’ll forgive me for bringing him, I wanted his first off-world experience to be memorable. And there’s no-where more memorable than here~ And James, my pet. Don’t touch anything he tries to give you. The drinks are usually laced with an interesting cocktail of drugs. I’m not in the mood to take care of you if you get sick or worse today.” 

“Oh, uhm.. Yes Ma’am..” Bucky kept staring at the floor, feeling embarrassed and instinctively reached over towards where his other arm should be to fiddle with its panels. Bucky just ended up patting along his side for a moment before dropping his hand to his side in defeat upon remembering once again that he was missing his metal appendage.

“See how cute that is En..” Loki purred at Bucky this time offering him a fond smile. She took another sip of the drink and Bucky wondered what drugs were in that to make her look at him that way. It felt more sincere than anything else she’d done all day. “James is such a good soldier~” 

Grandmaster perked up at that, reaching out and poking bucky’s nose, exactly like you would to a child. “Yes, yes he is very cute. His blush is just exquisite, how did you find such a.. a doll? Especially one that feels as powerful as him. Almost too powerful a-actually, for just a simple Terrian.” 

“He was in a lab, being monitored like some rat in a cage by a midgardian genius who wanted to give him their twisted version of a cure. Amnesia and all,” Loki looked visibly angry at this, Bucky knew that sh e disagreed with how Stark was handling things but he’d never got to see her walls come down enough to see any rage on her face. It was quite alarming. What was in that drink? 

“Woah-kay Lo-Lo, let’s take a drink and calm down” The grandmaster reached out and gently patted loki’s shoulder, gesturing to the drink with his other hand. “Are you sure your little pet can’t have a drink? I’ll tell the bartender to make like, uh, like a virgin lemonade or something.”

“Would it be too bold of me to say that I didn’t trust you not to pump my pet full of aphrodisiacs and stimulants?” Loki asked with one delicate arch of her eyebrows. Even when she was questioning him she still made it sound flirty enough to not get her in trouble. “But, I suppose I can allow it, if I’m able to test it myself first.” 

Bucky really didn’t like the smile the Grandmaster had after gaining her consent, but Loki said she’d test the drink for him and he had to trust her on that. She promised that she’d protect him while they were here. Just the same, he peeked up at the bartender and watched him make the drink. It looked like a galaxy and Bucky unconsciously lifted his head more to watch the drink being made. It was another thing that he was certain could never be done on Earth, nothing could ever replicate how real the drink looked. How the colors swirled and twinkled and even the black dot that seemed to sit in the center. This was another thing he had to ask Steve to draw if he could remember it. 

His attention was brought back to the Grandmaster when the bartender handed him the drink and instead of handing it to Loki he took her hand and kissed it. He quickly looked down as soon as he heard Loki’s amused chuckle and didn’t dare look up until he felt her hand, well he hoped it was her hand, no one else he knew felt that cold. She handed him the drink so he assumed it had passed her judgement but instead of taking a sip he found himself caught, fascinated by how real it looked, and just stared down at it. It was mesmerizing just watch the swirl of pinks, purples and black move around his glass while little speckles of white shimmered brightly throughout the drink. Except for the center, which seemed to be completely black and unmoving. It was ethereal to look at, too beautiful to drink.

“James..” That tone was a warning, and it snapped him out of it to look at Loki, who was staring down at him like he’d forgotten something, or someone. 

“Hu- oh..! Thank you..” Bucky stammered, blushing and shifting awkwardly on his feet. He felt a welcome wash of relief to see that the Grandmaster remained amused and that Loki had returned to looking blank, bordering on bored. He took a sip of the drink and had to stop himself from choking on it. It was stronger and weirder than anything he had ever experienced on Earth. He found he couldn’t identify the taste of the drink but if he had to guess he’d say it was.. fruity..? It had to be some kind of fruity alcohol right? 

“Wh-at do you call this?” He said without thinking, turning his head and coughing silently to try to keep his minute suffering to himself. Realising he’d spoken out of turn he quickly corrected himself “I mean- If I may ask, I’m so sorry..” and he was sorry. He’d forgotten his place in this dynamic and had managed to screw up. He hoped that he wouldn’t be in trouble for that. 

Loki turned to him slowly, a frown creasing her face. He honestly couldn’t tell whether she was faking her anger anymore and Bucky quickly stared at the ground. “What does it look like James? Please, enlighten me, since you're feeling so chatty.”

Bucky flinched again, his stammering getting a little worse. “I-It looks like, like a galaxy.. my Queen…” He added, daring look up off the floor for just a second, just long enough to gauge her reaction and see if it was wise of him to continue. She seemed satisfied with his answer, even if she was still upset. Bucky wanted to make her smile so he decided it was worth the risk of continuing. “It’s, it’s beautiful, but.. The drink is nowhere as beautiful as you..” 

“Aw..” Loki’s face quickly broke into a smile, a look that Bucky thought suited her much better. Hell it suited her better than any expression she’d ever allowed him to see before. Judging by the Grandmaster’s reaction he clearly thought the smile suited her too. “It’s not fair how quickly you can be cute like that. How am I ever supposed to be firm with you?” 

Her praise made him smile unwillingly and he dared to bring his head all the way back up. He took another sip of the galaxy and watched her attention go back the Grandmaster. He was a very touchy person Bucky noticed, his hands wandered all over Loki’s body, at least were he was allowed. Loki was efficiently keeping him from wandering anywhere too inappropriate for a public party. 

He took another longer sip of his drink and turned his attention to the other guests, ignoring the burn of the strange alcohol and the strange dizzy feeling that was starting to spread through his body. There were a lot of different species laughing and drinking merrily in their depravity. All of them also appeared to be high, in some form or another and Bucky was really starting to understand why Loki made sure the drink was safe first. None of the guests looked anything like what Bucky had seen in cinema, no short, skinny green-gray aliens with huge heads and big black pupil-less eyes. He wondered if anyone drove saucers through space too or if that was also a lie. At least this time reality was cooler than the lie Hollywood had perpetrated. There were aliens with extra arms, antenna, skin tones all across the rainbow, aliens more reptilian then humanoid. Bucky was definitely going to ask Loki about the different alien species that existed beyond Earth when he got the chance. Hopefully she’d know.

When he turned back to Loki, maybe to politely ask about a lesson in all the aliens mingling here, he felt his heart twist with an unusual feeling of jealousy to see the Grandmaster holding her hips and whispering in her ear. It made him feel a little too pleased to see her turn him down with a quick kiss and a shake of her head no. The smearing of blue and green apparently on both their faces definitely brought back that jealous twinge though. He took another sip and then stared at his half empty glass. Was it possible that there were still drugs in this? Was that what was making him feel so jealous and dizzy? Loki could’ve missed something if it was below her tolerance. 

“Sorry daddy, not tonight please. I’m dealing with..” She paused to look over at Bucky, who quickly tried to look down and not be caught staring. “Parental issues.” 

“Oh dear, I think you might need another drink. A Grandmaster?” The Grandmaster offered, and really Bucky was not that surprised that he named a drink after himself. He wondered if it would actually look like him, maybe wink or something. The galaxy drink did swirl around like a real galaxy would. 

“Oh no, no I’m not having one of those again. Last time I passed out.” Loki shook her head firmly and Bucky couldn’t really stop himself from staring at the way her ebony hair swished across her back and breasts. Something was making him feel really woozy and warm and everything was starting to blur. 

“L-Loki…?” Bucky gasped, feeling his legs wobble underneath him. Bucky closed his eyes, trying to block out the blur of color. He heard the sharp click of heels and then felt cold arms encircle him. He felt himself get half carried over to a nearby couch as his eyes closed slowly.


	4. Chapter 4

Bucky stirred and opened his eyes, quickly freezing at the unfamiliar settings. He slowed his breathing and tried to make sense of his surroundings in the warm haze that still clouded his mind. Keeping still and controlling his breathing might fool anyone in the room with him into believing he wasn’t awake.  
He was in another futuristic room that was ridiculously lavish. Everything seemed too over the top, like it belonged to someone who had either too much money or too many people to impress. Maybe both. Everything was in yellow and blue tones, it made the room look.. Summer-y..? In a weird ‘if the sun had exploded and they couldn’t remember what a cloudless day looked like’ kinda way. On this planet though? Maybe they really didn’t know what a sunny day looked like. If they’d ever seen one.  
The sound of heels clicking across the floor made Bucky instinctively snap his eyes shut and focus more of his attention on pretending to be asleep. Last he remembered he was with Loki, but, who knows how long ago that was. Who knows who it was approaching him now, or what they could’ve done to him while he was out.  
"So you want to talk about what's wrong Lo-Lo?" The Grandmasters voice rose up from somewhere to his left, and he really hoped he wasn't on the bed next to him. Bucky decided to just lay there and listen and see if he could figure out with he was alone with the Grandmaster now, and if he had any plans for Bucky.  
"Not anymore. I'd rather here about why you defied me and laced James' drink anyways. I don't take kindly to be lied to." Loki's voice rang out, and Bucky almost flinched, partially from how he reacted to her under the influence of the drugs and partially at the crisp and cold tone of her voice. She sounded angry and calm all at once, and that was much worse then if she would've yelled. It was just another thing that reminded him too much of his handlers.  
"You're cute when you think you can intimidate me kitten~" En cooed, clearly not as afraid as Bucky felt he should be. In fact he seemed to be challenging her to step out of line and give him a reason to be just as angry as her. Waiting for her to give him a reason to remind her of her place in their relationship.  
"I didn't come here for you to harass James and honestly I'm in no mood to put up with your games. I don't care if I intimidate you as long as you understand that I'm not staying if that's how you're going to behave." She hissed at him and Bucky heard the click of her heels again as she walked towards him and gently grabbed his arm. Her touch was much more gentle than he would have expected, given her mood. The chill of her fingers was oddly comforting, at least until she began to shake him awake.  
"Wait.. kitten, I'm sorry. I hardly get to see you now that you've gone back to your home and started ruling again. I'm happy to see you but, um, you brought this James with you and I'll admit that it made me a little jealous. I knew that if the dose was low enough you wouldn't, uh, wouldn't catch onto it and I knew that your pet there wouldn't handle it very well. I just wanted to be alone with you for once.. And I mean jeez Lo-Lo I know your ideal types and I'm looking at one. It’s not really fair to me to have to watch you flirt with some terran who clearly suits you more than I do."  
Loki laughed and took her hand off Bucky's arm. He heard the click of her heels go a little further away, and then felt the bed shift under her weight? If it was her that shifted the bed then she must be heavier then she looks.  
"You did this because you were jealous? Why would you have any reason to be jealous of a mere midgardian? I like James, but that doesn’t mean he could ever compare to you~” A few seconds of silence passed before her voice crooned softly through the silence, it was a relief to hear her sound happy again and yet a little alarming to hear how quickly her temperament could change. In a way it felt like manipulation. Like Loki was appealing to him with the sole purpose of maintaining his favor.  
Even more alarming to Bucky was that something about her happy tone was suggestive of something he didn't know. The tone of it sounded ominous and foreboding. The way she mentioned that Bucky was a midgardian was either her pointing out how weak his race was, or how strong the Grandmaster was. Either option was terrifying, even if Bucky wasn't exactly the average human, or midgardian, or terran? Whatever.  
"Okay I know I promised that I wouldn't try to keep you all to myself but saying it and doing it are two different things. I, uh, I don't like to share." There was a brief pause before he spoke again, his tone turning suggestive. "Unless I get to watch~"  
"Oh, love, you know I've never been much of an exhibitionist. And really if I always let you have your way I'd lose all my appeal. Can't have you getting bored can I~" Loki chuckled sensually, just seeming to enjoy the little game they were playing. Passing flirtatious remarks back and forth with practiced ease, trading thinly veiled threats in a way that was almost like almost like watching a complex and deadly dance.  
Bucky let himself stir, making sure to take it slow and complete the lie of him being asleep through their conversation. He looked around again, more carefully this time, taking in the sheer decadence of the room he was in. It was way too much but it suited both of them almost perfectly. Loki probably would’ve enjoyed a different color palette though.  
He turned to his left, looking at the other side of the bed. He was only mildly surprised to see Loki straddling the Grandmaster's lap, her head tucked against his shoulder and one of his hands venturing up the slit in her dress. It explained why so much weight went on the bed, she pushed him down with her. His still drug affected brain wandered over to what it would feel like if she did that to him before he could stop it and he quickly tried to shake away the thoughts creeping into his head before all the blood in his body went south. This was really not the place or the time, especially with the comments the Grandmaster had already made. He wasn’t much of exhibitionist either.  
"Someone's finally awake. En won't do that again James, he can be such a child" Loki said calmly, only tensing when the hand resting on her hips squeezed a little, an obvious warning that she was starting to overstep her boundaries with him. Loki froze up a bit, a brief look of fear crossing her face before she responded by nuzzling a soft kiss into the crook of his neck. It made the Grandmaster smile a little, so it must have appeased him for now. He was surprisingly lenient with Loki for all the boundaries she'd seemed to push. She’d already insulted him what, two? Three times? And a light kiss was enough to appease him? Loki really must be a favorite of his. Either that or he was just in a good mood.  
Bucky nodded slowly, unsure of his place or if he was allowed to respond. Loki lifted her head slightly and gave the Grandmaster another kiss, this one on the cheek and lingering a lot longer. Maybe she didn’t think she was out of the woods yet for all her previous boldness. Maybe he wasn’t as lenient as Bucky had previously thought. Not like he would know, Loki hadn’t told him much about the Grandmaster but he seemed like a terrifying person so far. Bucky’s attention snapped back to Loki as her arms traveled slowly down the Grandmaster’s chest and around his middle in a way that was probably less sensual then he was making it out to be but Bucky found himself shaking his head again in a feeble attempt to stop the rather carnal reaction his body was having to Loki’s actions right now. Stupid drink still hasn’t worn off, he’s never trusting anything the Grandmaster hands him ever again. What kind of person drugs people out of jealousy?  
The Grandmaster smiled at Loki’s kisses and clearly took that as an invitation for more because he quickly stole a long kiss from her. And then he went and ruined the serene mood that had settled into the room in a way that made it very clear that he still wasn’t over the jealous vendetta he had towards Bucky.  
“So James who are these handlers Loki reminds you of so much? Because to me they seem much worse then my little Lo-Lo actually is” The Grandmaster, unsatisfied with the dull mood he’d created, decided to completely change the atmosphere by focusing on the previously ignored Bucky. The one in question stiffened up, visibly stressed by the question. So they had been talking about him while he had slept, either that or the Grandmaster was also psychic which didn’t help him feel all that safe and secure. Great. Just wonderful. He’d probably picked up on everything Bucky had been thinking. Maybe he still was. If he was psychic it explained the jealous vendetta he against Bucky, and how quickly he figured out how to turn Loki against him.  
Bucky’s stressed worsened at Loki’s reaction. She clearly wasn’t happy with that revelation, probably because she’d been inside his head to a degree and knew exactly what his handlers were like. Bucky glanced over at the Grandmaster again, and noticed a smug look on his face. Noticed the way his grip had tightened on Loki. As if maybe he was worsening Loki’s reaction on purpose, hoping to make Loki break all ties with Bucky. His attentioned flickered back to Loki as she stood up smoothly, impossibly calm, and that frightened Bucky more than any of her haughty laughter or snide, backhanded comments ever could. From what he’d seen so far an icy calm Loki was a Loki that was legitimately angry. If the Grandmaster was manipulating her then it was obviously working.  
“It’s simple En. It means that after all that I’ve done for him, all of the magic and time I’ve put into protecting and helping him, he associates me with torture and death. Specifically the torture he endured and the death he caused.” She stated icily, staring Bucky down like she was trying to burn a hole through his head. If looks could kill she definitely would have succeeded by now. “I should’ve known better than to believe a midgardian was capable of understanding how I feel. 70 years could never compare to 1075.”  
Bucky flinched away from her as she stepped toward him, immediately looking down at his feet. He was afraid and spiraling. Something he didn’t have any control over. He was afraid that he was in trouble, that they’d bring out the whips and the tasers again, laughing as he struggled and screamed himself hoarse. He’d try to fight them but they always won. That left him in the chair until his thoughts turned to liquid and bled out his ears. Until he was ready to comply. Worst of all, he didn’t understand what Loki meant by ‘understanding how she felt.’ She’d hardly told him anything or spent any time around him. What was he missing? What’s gotten into her?  
With a light shove and a snap Bucky fell off the bed, tensing with anticipation, but the cold of the floor never came. Instead he fell on another bed. His bed, the one Tony gave him. He looked up in time to see Loki gracefully step down into the blue portal on the wall. This left her foot just sticking halfway out of the wall and Bucky briefly wondered how she wouldn’t fall straight onto the floor. But soon his questions were answered when Loki seamlessly rotated 90° around a horizontal axis on her heel and landed, quite fabulously, on her feet. Perfectly upright with a shimmer of green light, as if the rotation had never even occurred. It was elegant in the most terrifying way.  
The admiration of Loki’s seamless stunt of magic didn’t last long, as her fury quickly reared its head again with a malicious laugh. For a brief second Bucky thought he was looking through the facade Loki always seemed to have, seeing Loki’s real emotions. Seeing some level of raw pain that probably went much deeper than her anger at Bucky. The blue portal closed behind her, leaving the room in darkness, as she took to slow, deliberate pacing next to his bed. Whatever he got a glimpse of was gone, and Loki had gone back to being perfectly collected. Another snap and green flamed candles sprouted from seemingly nowhere, decorating the room in an eerie glow.  
“I have done everything for you. Helped you, maybe even saved you, and you still fear me? Consider me a tyrant? Darling, you know nothing. Remember nothing. I considered you special, felt similarity in the recesses of your mind. But, it seems that everyone I dare to try to get along with suffers the same selfish narrow-minded attitude. How could I be so stupid as to believe that anyone could began understand how I feel..”  
Loki stopped in her pacing, and turned to Bucky again. Natasha was always better at reading people’s emotions but if Bucky really tried he could almost see the pain lurking in her eyes, hidden deep behind the anger she was trying to conceal. She was right though, he didn’t understand, but she hadn’t told him much either. This wasn’t really fair to him, but she didn’t seem to be thinking clearly in her anger either. In some way, Bucky felt like he was just an outlet for her anger at someone else, and that he had just accidentally opened the floodgates.  
“I hope the recovery goes well, and if you ever attempt to contact me again I will bury you in ice so thick it’ll make your cryo-chamber look like a warm summer day. But that doesn’t mean you won’t see me anyways. I am the God of Madness, and the mess inside your head is beyond repair.”  
With that final jab at Bucky a glimmer of green light overtook the Goddess and within seconds she was gone. Hearing what she said, she sounded so alone, just like he was. Even if that didn’t excuse her actions he couldn’t help but feel sympathy for her, and god Bucky didn’t even want to imagine Tony’s reaction to his inevitable relapse, Loki was the only thing keeping him even partially sane. Loki was the reason he had “progressed” enough to go outside and enjoy the world.  
He didn’t even understand why she was angry, they hardly knew each other. The whole thing was puzzling, but she seemed so upset. There was a lot he didn’t know about her, maybe that had something to do with it? Did he miss some important subtext..? Bucky sighed, this whole day had gone terrible and it had just drained him. He just wanted to lie down and close his eyes, maybe postpone thinking about the shit storm he’d been through today. He didn’t have the energy to think about this mess right now.

**Author's Note:**

> An E rating isn't needed right now but I plan to add things in later chapters that make it necessary.


End file.
